- "HAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! You've got it all to come! You won't know what hit you! I've only just come out the other side! I've just been for a coffee with a friend of mine! Now I'm going home to do some gardening! I've got a whole hour free before I have to pick them up from school! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
- 'Oh darling, congratulations. You must be so happy. What wonderful news.' (Thinks: 'A grandchild at last.')
- "Congratulations. Well done. Hang on, I've got a call on the other line, got to go, talk to you soon, bye.' Click. Buzz.
- "I knew it. I said so last summer. I knew this would happen. I could feel it in my water. I'm a bit psycic, you know."
- 'Have you been to the doctor yet? Have you had your first scan? Chosen a hospital? Blood tests? Have you thought about a home birth? Any idea about names? Do you know the sex yet? Are you going to move house? Have you booked antenatal classes? They get booked up months in advance ...'
- 'Two pieces of advice. Change a really shitty nappy very early on just to show her that you can do it. And make sure you change a nappy when your friends are round. They'll think you change them all the time.'
- 'HAHAHAHAHA! No, stop it, l think I've cracked a rib! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'
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| Joys Of Fatherhood |
Normally parents-to-be start letting people in on the secret after about three months. This is supposedly because it is much more common to have miscarriages in the first trimester, as I'm afraid you will start calling it, and no one likes to tempt fate. But the real reason is that it takes you that long to get over the initial shock and then pluck up the courage to say anything to anyone.
Even if you are unambiguously delighted by the turn of events, it can be hugely stressful to cope with the unabashed joy of your relatives and friends. Why on earth are they so pleased? Everyone will want to shake your hand or slap your shoulder or even give you a manly hug, having seen people do this in films. And you will smile bashfully and accept their congratulations with good grace, as you know you are obliged to. It's a situation that seems to bring out the rampant insincerity in everyone.
They are delighted for you, which means they are really delighted for themselves (relatives) or they honestly couldn't give a monkeys (friends). After the first few occasions you will begin to wish you hadn't said a word. After all, no one needs to know, do they? And you'll have to go through it all again when the baby is born, so why not tell them then?
ERNIE: The first person I told was my mother. And she said, 'Oh no.' And I said, "That's not quite what I was expecting." And she said, "Oh no, this is wonderful." I said, "I've just heard "Oh no," mother.'
I told my sister, who cried, but couldn't get any words out. And I said to my brother, 'I've got some news.' He said, 'You're not going to jail, are you?'
BASIL: The first people I told were my parents, and I had a sense that I was talking to them for the first time as an adult (not entirely easy with my mother). Then I told my colleagues at work. I was at once showered with delighted hugs and kisses from several intelligent and attractive young women, which is hard to describe as anything but jolly pleasant.
JEROME: My mother was quite shocked that I'd actually had sex. So her reaction was a little muted. She couldn't bear the thought. But my father was fantastic. To find out more, you can check out Joys Of Fatherhood.