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| Deciding To Keep Your Baby |
Alternatively, a woman will have a boy if her belly gets hairy, or her nipples go dark, or her hands become dry and chapped, or she craves meals and cheeses. She will have a girl if she gets red highlights in her hair, or she craves sweets, or her feet get hot or her face goes spotty. Pregnant women who look a little rough around the edges will also have girls, because girls are said to steal their mothers' looks (you can just imagine the pursed-lipped American matron who dreamt that one up). Right breast larger than the left? It's a boy. Bad morning sickness early in the pregnancy? It's a girl. Brain feels as though it's about to explode? You've been reading too many old wives' tales.
And then try this one. Suspend a wedding ring held by a piece of thread over the palm of the pregnant woman. (Some versions of this insist that the wedding ring be the woman's own, and that the thread be a strand of the father's hair. But some don't.) If the ring now swings in an oval or circular motion, congratulations! You have a girl. And if the ring swings in a straight line, yes! It's a boy. And if the ring swings all over the place in no obvious pattern, you are standing out of doors in a high wind and really should take this more seriously.
Now for the Biggest Question Of All:
DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT IT?
Some men have wanted to be fathers for as long as they can remember. They have always seen themselves as fathers-to-be. They know what it all entails and they are prepared for it. They are lucky, lucky men.
ANTHONY: I hoped fatherhood would be the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me. It was something I had always wanted, but some of my previous partners hadn't wanted to be mums. It felt natural and the right time to do it. I couldn't think of a more worthwhile or satisfying thing to do or be.
FATHER E (ERNIE): The overwhelming sensation I had when I first heard was relief. I'd wanted kids for years and years and years, and the big worry is that you're firing blanks. Second feelings were happiness, of course. Third feelings were, what does Eva think of it? I remember her being quite frightened, and then her deciding, if we're going to do it, let's do it properly. And then the fourth one was, I wonder if it's mine?
A lot of men, though, are more ambivalent. There are no secrets here. You are among friends. You can be as viciously honest as you wish. If the answer is a big shiny Yes, we will be delighted for you. But if the answer is No, no one will blame you. And if there is a small kernel of No within the big shiny Yes, we will understand totally. You can say Yes! to your loved ones, you can scream YES!! from the rooftops, but look hard at yourself in the mirror and you might find that the word 'No' involuntarily pops into your mind. In some cases it's more like NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO, but the effect is broadly the same.
FATHER F (FERGUS): I felt depressed, in a way that I did when left university. Knowing that I had to leave, when I had been very happy there, but knowing it was time to move on. Similarly, when the time came to have children, I felt depressed to have arrived at that stage in my life. And I also felt guilty that I wasn't more excited, and having to pretend I was. To find out more, you can check out Deciding To Keep Your Baby.