For the first six to ten weeks, baby cannot tell the difference. When tired, baby sleeps. When not tired, baby sits around gurgling or roars its lungs out. The fact that it's 330 in the morning and you have only been asleep since 1.15 makes no difference. And as soon becomes clear, there is no point trying to get a baby to sleep when it is full of beans. King Canute would have had more chance with the waves.
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| Baby Sensitive To Noise When Sleeping |
The single identifiable advantage of all this is that baby will drop off under what to us would be entirely hostile conditions. Light, dark, in bright sunshine, under floodlights - it makes no difference if baby is tired. They are far more sensitive to variations in temperature. They really are unutterably strange.
NOISE
Again, less of a problem than you would think. Baby likes to hear all the usual household noises - people clumping up and down the stairs, eating snack foods, calling each other bastards. There is no need to tiptoe around as infant is falling asleep. Indeed, it might actually be counter-productive, as by doing this you can unwittingly train your baby to need complete silence at bedtime.
Fine if you are moving to the Outer Hebrides; otherwise a catastrophe in the making, especially now that Guy Fawkes Night is celebrated in most British towns and cities every night between 31 August and 5 January.
SMELL
According to one book I read, you should avoid going into your newborn baby's room too often to check whether it is still alive, as your smell could wake it. Well, there's something else to worry about. Am I a bad parent, or is it just my feet?
QUIZ TIME
If a baby wakes every two to six hours to be fed during the first six months of life, is that
(i) Unspeakable?
(ii) Unreasonable?
(iii) Perfectly normal?
(iv) Someone else's problem? Answers: (i) Oh yes. (ii) Sadly not. (iii) Yes, I'm afraid. (iv) You will have to negotiate this one for yourself. (See all previous posts about breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding.)
STATISTICS
According to one newspaper, a new father will lose, on average, 616 hours of sleep in the first three years. A new mother will lose 1,968 hours. These figures may or may not have been compiled by a new mother with a grievance.
OTHER PARENTS' LIES
'Oh yes, our Ethan sleeps through the night every night. Did so at three months.' These people are lying bastards, and you should never speak to them again.
CATNAPS
The only way I know to combat sleep deprivation. A parent who can put his/her head down for a 15-minute 'power nap' is a parent who might yet come out of this with sanity intact. I believe that all offices should be equipped with sofas for the use of sleep-deprived employees. Richer corporations should be prevailed upon to supply duvets and pillows. 15-minute alarm calls would also help. True, you always wake from a catnap with a vague sense of displacement and a tongue like old carpet, but after a cup of strong tea you will be as alert as a two-year-old.
For many fathers who spend the day loafing at so-called 'work', it should be relatively easy to arrange a schedule of health-restoring catnaps. But be careful that none of them exceeds 20 or 25 minutes, as then you go into a deeper sleep and can struggle to get over it. If you are unlucky enough to wake up after an hour, you will feel as though you are walking through treacle in a wetsuit and flippers carrying an oven in your rucksack. Slightly worse than usual, in other words. To find out more, you can check out Baby Sensitive To Noise When Sleeping.