How To Be A Good Father To A Newborn

To illustrate how fast the time goes: this will be the first and last birthday party for Junior that will be held primarily for the benefit of the parents. Next year your child will know exactly what's what, will be au fait with the concept of 'presents', and won't have to be coerced at gunpoint into blowing out candles on cakes. By the age of two children are very nearly playing with each other, which is to say, seeing something another child is playing with and grabbing it shouting 'Mine! Mine!' But at one, they are only dimly aware of other children, who are not really their friends yet, but the children of friends of their parents, which will never be the same thing, as I'm sure you remember.
 

How To Be A Good Father To A Newborn

At a first birthday party the kids wander around intrigued by the novelty of it all, while the parents chat away merrily and get a bit drunk. You'll love it.
 
Take a look at the other parents and their children. Even if you disregard similarities of height and weight and colouring and all that genetic guff, you may notice certain likenesses between them. For instance, a small girl may already have a similar hairstyle to her mother, or a small boy may have the same slightly pompous mannerisms as his father. We all assume our children will be like us, which is usually an assumption too far, as they are themselves right from the start. 

But it's around the first birthday that you can begin to see the effects of twelve months of nurture. First babies learn everything from their parents. (Second and subsequent babies learn more from their older siblings, but it all comes back to you in the end.) Oliver James, in his very fine book They F*** You Up, describes in grueling detail how quickly and comprehensively parents can screw up their children, but even if you haven't turned your infant into a schizophrenic you will already have had an enormous influence on the adult he or she will become. James says that most of the crucial work is already done in a year, although you probably can't see it yet. Nevertheless, you can begin to see it in other people and their children, if you look for it. Worse, they can begin to see it in you.
 

Whoa there. Is this Judgement Day? Will all your wrongdoings be brought to account? Junior may have acquired some of your strange little habits, but that doesn't necessarily point to a future of vagrancy and heroin addiction. This is why the theory of Good Enough Parenting is so comforting and popular. This accepts that nobody is perfect and, moreover, that nobody would want to be, because the 'perfect' parent who got everything right would be a pain in the arse. Far better to be Good Enough, to acknowledge that you are a flawed human being who is going to cock things up from time to time, and if you are happy with that you can get on with the job of parenting without passing on all your anxieties to your children. I think I know in my heart that I am Good Enough. To find out more, you can check out How To Be A Good Father To A Newborn.